Matthew Perry's "Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir"

What's terrible and tragic about Matthew Perry's tell all about his addiction to drugs and alcohol is that his clarion call for help didn't prevent his death. It was released in 2022 less than a year before he died from a drug overdose that caused him to lose consciousness and drown in his hot tub. It is part bio, part celebrity anecdotes and a tribute to his relationships and experiences with FRIENDS. However, this reads as a devastating tale of the torment and self-destruction from addiction. Still, Perry's unflappable humor permeates his autobiography which makes the pain and suffering palatable. He writes as if speaking directly to you in confidence while outing his self-destructive behaviors and insatiable cravings for opioids, alcohol and nicotine. Reading his words knowing he has succumbed to his struggles with addiction shrouds his words with anguish. Addiction is difficult to understand. Many who have never suffered from addiction will ever fathom the challenges and nature of addiction. Perry's frank accounts of his twisted logic were eye-opening. "I never actually wanted to die. In fact, in the back of my mind I always had some semblance of hope. But, if dying was a consequence of getting to take the quantity of drugs I needed, then death was something I was going to have to accept. That's how skewed my thinking had become."  The onset of Perry's addiction was attributed to painkillers prescribed for him after an accident on the set of a movie. He describes his reaction while driving a sports car along the Pacific Ocean as "complete and utter euphoria. If this doesn't kill me, I'm doing this again." At age 14 when drinking wine with his pals who were puking up what they drank, he felt happy and at ease. These initial reactions elicited an insatiable desire to regain the initial sensation. Perry explains, "As the pill kicked in, something clicked in me. And it's been that click I've been chasing the rest of my life." The big terrible thing is this disease for people who "have a brain that wants them dead." writes Perry.  Furthermore, "This disease...the big horrible thing, Addiction, has ruined relationships. It's ruined the day-to-day process of being me." What gave Perry the most happiness was helping others achieve sobriety. Perry told us at the beginning of his memoir why he wrote it. If was meant for others who..."have all the information, and they understand the consequences-but they still can't stop drinking. You are not alone." Perry ends his memoir with a positive outlook for his future. But, in hindsight it feels more of an acknowledgement and apology to family, friends and lovers who were there for him.