Genevieve Kingston and her mother both shared the same February birthdate. "The best birthday gift I ever got," Genevieve "Gwenny" was told by her mom on every birthday they shared. Sadly, Gwenny's mom, Kristina Maillard, was diagnosed with cancer and died at 48 just days before Gweny's 12th birthday. Kingston's bittersweet memoir "Did I Ever Tell You" recounts her mother's legacy through a treasure trove of gifts and notes bequeathed her to sustain a loving connection to her daughter on her future birthday and momentous events. My first response to this book was that it would make a profitable, sappy screenplay. My more reasoned reaction though was of admiration for Kristina's determination to provide as much loving guidance and support for her daughter (and son) in a future she wouldn't be sharing with them. Kingston is oftentimes candid and pragmatic. During the final year of her mom's life, Kingston noted, "We couldn't sustain the urgency with which we'd been living our lives. It was exhausting, spending every moment together, living every day to the fullest." In a note Kristina left behind she wrote, "How is it that I can allow myself to drift through a day with you, even now, knowing my time with you is short! Why have I not learned how to seize the essence of each day, and suck the marrow from its depths." I was struck by Kingston's honesty when waiting for her mom's impending death. "I felt I'd spent my entire life at home, watching. But I'd never imagined death could be like this, so slow, so boring." Kingston takes us into her future without her mother although her mom is interwoven into Kingston's life. She shares the numerous tapes, letters, beautifully wrapped gifts and eloquently written notes despite the emotional toil this exacted on her mom. The years following her mother's death are provided with loving support from her father, a community of friends and family. Her high school years are happy with her close group of friends and steady boyfriend. Her boyfriend came out as gay his freshman year in college. Unlike her friends, Kingston couldn't adjust to life outside her childhood home. Her first foray into college out east ends abruptly before classes begin. Trying again at Berkeley where she planned to commute from her father's house also ended before it began. Gwenny learns posthumously of her parent's failed marriage. She's resentful of her father for remarrying. Tragedy strikes again when Gwenny was back at Berkeley with her father's unforeseen suicide. Gwenny's constant support came from her close ties to her older brother, with counseling and within the theater. "The emotions I struggled to control at home and in every other context of my life were welcomed in this one. Onstage these were assets." And, by the omnipresence of her mother's treasure chest filled with presents which remained a constant presence in her life."Opening the chest was, by now, a familiar ritual, like lighting birthday candles, or placing ornaments on a tree."This tender and touching memoir is a tribute to the omnipotence of parental love. It's also testament to living. Kristina sagacious words echo from the grave "...birth to adulthood is only 1/4 of your life. 3/4s is spent looking back at youth. Enjoy it while you have it and enjoy each bit of it to the full. Take time to make friends with yourself. Take time to learn what interests you, what your opinions and feelings are, find your own sense of the world and which values you hold most dear."
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