Belle Burden's STRANGERS-Unburdens and Examines the Unexpected End of Her Marriage

STRANGERS is Belle Burden's non-fiction book of the shocking and abrupt end to a 20 year marriage and three children together, leaving her cold and alone at the onset of COVID in 2020.  Burden's book struck a nerve with me along with millions of other readers who are probably wondering what was he {James, her husband} thinking and thinking how fortunate we are the bell didn't ring for me or thee.  It's a clarion call of what not to do to not get financially screwed by your spouse.  Burden tells the reader why she unburdened her heartbreak maintaining it was not as revenge.  "I'd wanted James to  understand what happened after he left, to see the impact, to see me.  But isn't that different from revenge?" Was she airing her dirty laundry? Yes, and rightfully so as it's her's air out. I related to the situation she put herself into (for the most part.). We had no need for a prenup agreement as neither of us were bringing any money or property into the marriage aside from our incomes.  Burden's family lineage is one of notoriety and high society as her beloved maternal grandmother Babe Paley was a wealthy, well-known New York socialite. Prior to her wedding, Burden failed to heed the advice of her attorney and it proved to be a financial travesty.  Despite being an attorney, Burden succumbed to James requests at the behest of her best interests and legal advice.  "I put both our names on the deeds.  I chose not to be involved in our financial life. "  What makes this open book divorce so authentic and empathetic is her graceful navigation of this excruciatingly painful period with a sensibility many of us share.  "I failed to think about what would happen if our marriage ended...I was agreeing to all of it, trusting my husband. I did it for love.  There is nothing shameful about that."  The shared joyful parenting events became gut wrenchingly distressful as the longing to be connected had not abated and the close proximity was very uncomfortable. Many of us in long relationships take comfort in delegating responsibilities we'd rather not take. Burden spoke for me and probably a lot of partners when she stated, "I was spared, for a time, handling it all myself, having to understand it, having to face the reality of my financial life." There's also the shared epiphany, "I could see that the cost for feeling safe was being controlled.  They were two sides of the same coin-protection and control."  It's not accurate to say Burden was just airing her dirty laundry.  I was moved by the loving picture she painted of their courtship, marriage and life together.  This caused me ache for the love she had that was gone.  Following Burden's rebuilding of her life, her strength from despair to self-reliance,  her gratitude for her three children and for her future was a poignant journey I'm glad to have held.  "I had to shift, again, in my understanding of the man I'd been married to. He was not a benign stranger wandering out of my life.  He was an adversary."  Belle Burden was no stranger to immense emotional distress but and no stranger to resilience, wonder and new found fulfillment.  

IF it HAPPENS, IT HAPPENS-What Happens that Makes Adopting so Arduous?

Emily Baglien, TV producer, adoptee and adoption advocate, does not have advice for new parents (except for others to stop offering advice to soon-to-be parents). She does have her own inimitable journal on the six months+, patience testing process intrinsic with adoption.  Firstly, let me offer my appreciation and admiration to Emily and her husband, Tim and all those who adopt, foster or provide social services for children and adults enmeshed in the trials and tribulations of adopting.  Let me take a measured step back and address a lot of the frustrating, red-tape hoops and waiting game involved in bringing a child into their forever home. Emily, herself an adoptee at two months, has the loving support of her mom and her birth mom to whom she leaned on for support during the numerous times she and Tim were throttled in their dedicated pursuit to adopt an infant, Orsett; a name they sagaciously changed to Theodore. This brings up one of my main questions to the childless couple.  Why was little mention made of any communication between Tim and the "troubled" birth father.  The birth father is Tim's brother.   The birth father is now the uncle and the uncle/aunt are now his parents.  (Tim did say he didn't like his brother who had fathered five other children.)  I'm curious if there was any direct communication between Tim and this brother at any point.  Why didn't the offer to foster come earlier (closer to "Teddy's" birth) to subvert the baby from being fostered by a non-family related couple which also belabored the already lengthy adoption process?  My second question for Emily is simply why she and Tim became so determined to adopt when it seemed the possibility of conceiving their own child was viable.  I ask this because adoption is an ultimate, selfless, life long commitment. Learning why some individuals choose this route I feel is warranted.  Getting back to Emily's candid, warm-hearted, jovial journal, I commend her for sharing she  her thoughts and experiences for what they went through and for writing such a delightful and insightful account of their experiences intwined in the social service system overseeing children's welfares prior to formalizing an adoption.  It's reassuring to know there are numerous safety and welfare checks that must be abided to help insure the safety of infants/children in need of caring families.  Still, it's distressing to realize that the system is so overblown it keeps children and those wanting to provide homes for them embroiled in a waiting game that is shameful.  Getting to know Emily through her journal I believe "Teddy", Tim and Emily are the family that was meant to happen.  I recommend Emily Bagalien's "If it Happens, it Happens" for anyone who is thinking of adopting, knows someone who is adopting a child, or anyone that has a family - i.e. this is for everyone.  To paraphrase Teddy's mom, "I'm guiding this mission, not just as a producer, a coordinator, or an adoptee.  I'm at the helm of this rock as a mom."  You've got this EMILY!  You rock!

THEO of GOLDEN-Too Much of a Good Thing-So Saccharine It's Rubbish

For those who read Allen Levi's novel, "Theo of Golden" and were touched by this warm-hearted tale of countless kindnesses bestowed on the townspeople in Golden by a mysterious, dapper senior, you will not take kindly to what I have to say.  I say - Bah Humbug! Phooey! Yuck! This treacly tale is so excessively sweet and long it become an odious odyssey that never seems to end.  Theo enters Golden unbeknownst to the community.  The townsfolk are mystified by Theo many, magnanimous acts.  His actions serve to draw the locals whom he's interacted with, into an interconnected group.  Theo enters the charming town of Golden unbeknownst to anyone who lives there.  He elects to settle there for an indefinite period and for  indeterminate reasons.  Theo ambles into the local coffee bistro where everyone knows your name and are always glad you came.  Theo is immediately taken aback by the portraitures on the walls.  It just so happens the paintings are for sale.  Perhaps on a whim, Theo choses to buy many of them and give the portraits to the individuals depicted as gifts.  The only caveat, he would like to meet the party in the painting and directly present the painting. This bloated and overly long story is drawn out as we learn about the people's lives in a kismet connection between Theo and person gifted by Theo.  In turn,  a symbiotic relationship ensues between the parties.  To make matters more miraculous and incredulous, a synapses of harmonious happenstances abound amongst those to whom Theo has presented their portrait gifts.  Get my drift?  There's more soul-stirring shifts happening around town ever since Theo decided to make Golden him home.  I fault Theo's saintly like behaviors for being pompous and pretentious.  Theo is quite the connoisseur of art, music, food and wine.  The answers to Theo's own personal history and the reasons why he came to live in Golden are made "heir" apparent posthumously. Theo seemed to have a particular proclivity to getting to know the painter of the portraits.  For those who easily succumb to feel good far-fetched stories, you may revel in this bunk.  Knock ourselves out!  I say Bah Humbug - stay out of Golden at the risk of wasting your valued time sullied in syrupy drivel.  

YOU SAY TOMATO and I SAY SHUT-UP A Real Cut Up of a Couple's Marriage/Gurwitch v Kahn

Annabelle Gurwitch is an actress, activist, author, TV personality, single mother, i.e., a regular Renaissance woman for the 21st C. She is the co-author (with her ex, Jeff Kahn) of "You Say Tomato and I Say Shut Up".  For those who don't recognize a Gershwin tune (shame on you), the title is a clever play on a song about the myriad ways love can go wrong.  Oh, let me count the ways...  or better, read about the fray in the troubled courtship and tumultuous marriage between Annabelle and Jeff.  Jeff is successful TV writer.  He received a Primetime Emmy for ("The Ben Stiller Show") 1993.  This memoir is told by the talented and successful duo, Annable and Jeff about when they met, fell in lust, parted, reunited, fell in love, got married, had a son and after more than a decade of marital banter, parted ways.  Annable and Jeff take us down memory lane from their first meeting at a party.  Jeff was immediately smitten upon seeing Annabelle frying-up latkahs in a LA kitchen for a holiday party.  Annabelle, a self-proclaimed flirt was married at the time to her first husband. Jeff was crushed when he learned this tidbit which wasn't shared by Annabelle. They do tell share intimate details of the same sequence of events in chronological order from their perspective.  Told candidly, with dollops of hilarity flavoring their antics; feelings of jealousy, animosity and mainly, an unflappable amorous attachment. At least that was the slant I eschewed from the dynamic two who seemed fated, dated, married and mated.  Of course their bickering evokes stress and resentment in their relationship.  The relationship is not embattled in direct combat. They're not directly engaged in an escalation of accusations.  Rather, as the reader one hears both sides separately and comparatively.  A lot of their complaints are relatable and oftentimes comical.  Their son was born with severe health issues requiring multiple surgeries. Their alliance was steadfast with one another in support of their son, Ezra (now a healthy teen),  And throughout the stress of their son's health, there was still a sense of humor that was ubiquitous and uplifting. What hope is there if two such like minded, dynamic people can't make it last till "death do us part".  Between the chapters are amusing anecdotal breaks wherein marriage facts are given.  These facts will make you wonder how any couple would ever chose to get married in the first place.  I say, pick up "You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up" and enjoy this rib-tickling, light hearted inside/out look at love and romance.  "I won't dance, don't ask me. And so what, you''re lovely.  But oh, what you do to me."  (J. Kern/O. Hammerstein)  

THE CORRESPONDENT-An Epistolary novel that's Appealing and Character Revealing

I've read two previous, epistolary works, the 1970 epistolary memoir, "84, Charing Cross Road" by Helene Hanff and the novel "A Woman of Independent Means" (1978) by Elizabeth Hailey.  Both these books were more engaging than Virginia Evan's 2025 novel; all three written in an epistolatory format.  At issue with with Evan's use of solely written correspondences, is it become laden and gimmicky.  The central character, Sybil Van Antwerp, is a divorced mother of two adult children; a second son died at a young age.  Sybil prefers communication free of direct dialogue; i.e., in written format.  The name Sybil' Van Twerp is meant as a seemingly quick-witted play on anti-twerp.  Sybil confirms her outsider nature, superior intelligence and a vastly-held favorite pastime; letter writing. "Perhaps I ought to call you, but I am better with the pen and the paper. It gives me time to consider things as they come onto the page rather than simply prattling on and on without tripping over my spoken words." she reiterates often in her letters.  Therein lies a foible making the story less enjoyable,  Sybil's  hubris is off-putting to the point you need  to push her letters aside.  Liking the main character isn't au rigor fir a story to be engaging, but the written format's focus puts too much exertion into presenting precisely into Sybil's mindset that it feels  burdensome.  "It has always been my. nature to see things in black and white, as you well know. I like rules. I relish living in a world that runs on laws and systems that are quite clear and declared."  In ("84, Charing...) there are only two correspondents, one seeking arcane info on books.  A warm friendship  builds organically crafting a straightforward and enchanting tale.  "Correspondent" imprints so many characters and storylines the emotional core becomes blurred.  "A Woman of..." life unfolds over an extended period of time and we empathize with our heroine as she matures and reckons with life.  Sybil's past is uncovered but the focus is on Sybil in her 70 and going blind is clearly set with obdurate, insufferable traits.  A chastising letter received by Sybil from her longtime friend read, "You are a wonderful, interesting woman,...but you are also damn stubborn and determined you know exactly what is right in every situation."  It's apparent Sybil is a bibliophile as well as an epistolist. A majority of the letters make mention books and authors.  Evans' novel makes a legitimate case for a resurgence into the lost art of letter writing.  Sybil finds strength and solace in letter, "...to think that a story of one's life is preserved in some way, that this very letter may one day mean something, even if it is a very small thing, to someone." {Furthermore} "I believe one ought to be precious with communication. Remember: words, especially those written, are immortal."  Scrutinizing Sybil's letters intimately depict her,  but ultimately left me in the dark.      

Rufi Thorpe's Priceless Novel "Margo's Got Money Troubles"

Rufi Thorpe's latest novel,  "Margo's Got Money Problems," (2024)  was picked up by multi-Emmy winning TV writer/producer, David E. Kelley ("Big Little Lies") for a mini-series now airing on AppleTV. This indicates Thorpe's novel is alluring enough to garner Kelley's interest and get put expediently into production.  The clever, contemporary writing depicts life and colorful, captivating characters vividly.  Margo is college coed at Fullerton Univ. with a fascinating family history and an adroit proclivity for creativity in her writing.  Her lecherous literature Prof. recognizes her gift and gives her high marks and marks her for an easy tryst outside marriage. The tryst takes a sharp turn when Margo discovers she's pregnant. (How a bright college kid wouldn't be taking precaution to prevent pregnancy or an STD beats me.) This is not the only outlandish scenario but it lays the foundation for a befuddling and beguiling plot. Margo was raised by a beautiful single mom, Shyann, who became pregnant by a married, professional wrestler, Jinx.  Jinx was only intermittently involved in Margo's life.  It was mainly Margo and her mom growing up.  Margo's mom and best friend adamantly recommend terminating the pregnancy.  Heedless,  Margo is determined to keep her baby. Her prof. (a.k.a. baby daddy) wanted nothing to do with the situation outside an abortion.  Margo discovers the cold reality of having a kid without enough cold cash and the harsh reality of trying to earn a living and pay for childcare.  Margo understood her powerless situation, "...every single dollar was power. Power to hire a lawyer, power to control how she spent her time, power to change her appearance, power to command respect. Power to be who she wanted to be." It's Margo's fortitude, intelligence and indefatigable drive the gives the novel its unique contemplation of  media addiction, drug addiction and self invention.  Just released from rehab, Jinx turns up unexpectedly at Margo's door just as she and her steadfast roommate are in need of someone to help cover rent as two others bailed after constant baby wailing.  Margo finds surprising support in her corner that comes in handy as she pummeled by the prof. who wants to fight her for custody. And, with postings on an adult website, Margo's videos are eXtra tantalizing thanks to her crafty scripts. Margo's innate sense to see different perspectives kept things real and really worth reading.  "Real people were both good and bad, all mixed up together, only the screen made everyone into basic silhouettes. The resulting images could appear either way... Even when it came to herself, Margo cold see it both ways: home town girl makes good, defies capitalist patriarchy or teen whore sells nudes while using, too lazy to work." 

J Kenny's "I SEE YOU CALLED in DEAD-An Obit Writer's Woes-Well Worth Reading

Obituary writers have become a dying breed.  Newspapers no longer pay staff to write obits.  Instead papers rely on public submissions which editors will select for print.  The NYTIMES is one of the last prominent news outlets that maintains a minimal staff to cover the passing of celebrities, accomplished individuals in their fields or the notorious for their noxious deeds. I suggest screening the entertaining documentary, OBITS* which interviews NYTIME's obituary writers. Capturing an entire life in a few paragraphs is a challenging and serious matter. John Kenny's offbeat, comical and quite moving novel, "I See You Called in Dead" follows our sad sack hero, Bud Stanley, an obituary writer until he's fired for numerous blunders.  In an inebriated self-pitying state, Bud inadvertently submits the obit  he wrote about his himself (not intending to hit send).  The hilarious fallout for his premature obituary parodies office politics and our litigious society.  Author Kenny has crafted a clever novel that handles painful issues concerning depression, death, the death of a young child and grief in a lighthearted and life-affirming manner.  Kenny, a decades long "New Yorker" contributor and winner of the Thurber Prize for American Humor for previous novels, depicted a unique character in Bud Stanley.  Bud connects with other fully drawn characters that are engaging and empathetic.  Despite somber topics there's a pervasive humanity and resiliency in Bud and others within his orbit.  At age 44, Stanley finds himself recently divorced, unemployed and in need of a new place to live.  He serendipitously finds himself fortunate in subletting the top floor of a high end town house from the elderly, distinguished owner.  The owner/landlord, Tim, leases the expansive top floor at a bargain rate.  Soon, Stanley and Tim enjoy having a ritual glass of fine wine together upon Bud's return home in the evenings. These tete-a-tete are reminiscent of the endearing endings on TV's "Boston Legal".  James Spader and William Shatner would put their feet up and relax together with a good cigar and whiskey in hand.  The symbiotic friendship between Bud and Tim is charming as is the dawning relationship Bud develops with Tim's caregiver and the young boy across the street. Bud's self-deprecating, unassuming demeanor doesn't over shadowed his sensitive and gracious nature. The NYTimes' obit writers should be preparing in advance a laudatory eulogy for author John Kenny.  I'd commit he captured the best of humanity within the delightful and meaningful novel, "I See You Called in Dead."

*https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/4465356231317340474/8559200069860935357

Check out my blog review of OBITS on Melinda's Malarky Around the Vine