A LETTER to MY TRANSGENDER DAUGHTER-Intended to Educate It Self-Congratulates

Carolyn Hays intimate and tender "open" letter to her transgender daughter speaks to the unqualified love a mother has for her child. Specifically, Hays is addressing her letter and gushing love to her transgender daughter who informed her parents at age three he was a she. In the US, it is estimated that only .5% of the population identified as transgender, a.k.a. gender dysphoria. This is a small known portion of the population. The distress of an individual who identifies other than the sex assigned at birth seems to me all consuming. I'm not without sympathy. On the contrary, I have great empathy and wish to understand more how these individuals feel, how their family feels and the impacts on the family's dynamics. I hoped to gain a first hand account of how a parent responds to their child within their home and out in the world. Of course, Hays' eloquent and exceedingly long essay is only one parent's perspective, and her myopic lens of her daughter's situation in the world. I applaud Hays candor, loving support and ongoing concerns for her daughter. The epic "epistolary" format is insightful, particularly during the daughter's preschool years. But, it morphs into an anthem for self-congratulations for the open-mindedness and altruistic DEVOTION penned ad nauseam. The family were forced to deal with social services who received notice that the child may be subject to some form of abuse requiring intervention and possibly removal from the home. It's sobering that any anonymous call can lead to mandatory investigation.The basis for looking into what mandates interventions may bear investigation. It led the family to relocate from the south where they feared another possible court order could lead to their child being taken away. The fallout felt less drastic than Hays contended. Still, it may be difficult to empathize with experiences foreign to one's own. My focus here was to learn more about how and when a child expresses their differing gender identity.  However, this was not a first person transgender account which needs to be taken into account. Hays elaborated early on about her child's personality, perceptions and emotions. Hays "asked" in her letter, "How do I parent you to brace yourself and yet not live with your bracing?" An excellent question often asked by parents. Any forthcoming answers were nebulous at best. And, aside from other families with a transgender member or transgender individuals, the correspondence tends to drone on and lose significance. My main takeaway from "LETTER," was an exercise in self-indulgence, and self-admiration. Hays began by saying "My desire [was] to be a family of tanks." She signs off by writing, "I am joyful. You are joy. You are living, breathing joy. I am so driven by my steam of pride for you. I'm a ship. Maybe a battleship." I thought perhaps a battle-axe with an axe to grind but a parent nonetheless. A parent doing their utmost to construct a loving carapace of protection combined with plenty of self-adulation.