STRANGERS is Belle Burden's non-fiction book of the shocking and abrupt end to a 20 year marriage and three children together, leaving her cold and alone at the onset of COVID in 2020. Burden's book struck a nerve with me along with millions of other readers who are probably wondering what was he {James, her husband} thinking and thinking how fortunate we are the bell didn't ring for me or thee. It's a clarion call of what not to do to not get financially screwed by your spouse. Burden tells the reader why she unburdened her heartbreak maintaining it was not as revenge. "I'd wanted James to understand what happened after he left, to see the impact, to see me. But isn't that different from revenge?" Was she airing her dirty laundry? Yes, and rightfully so as it's her's air out. I related to the situation she put herself into (for the most part.). We had no need for a prenup agreement as neither of us were bringing any money or property into the marriage aside from our incomes. Burden's family lineage is one of notoriety and high society as her beloved maternal grandmother Babe Paley was a wealthy, well-known New York socialite. Prior to her wedding, Burden failed to heed the advice of her attorney and it proved to be a financial travesty. Despite being an attorney, Burden succumbed to James requests at the behest of her best interests and legal advice. "I put both our names on the deeds. I chose not to be involved in our financial life. " What makes this open book divorce so authentic and empathetic is her graceful navigation of this excruciatingly painful period with a sensibility many of us share. "I failed to think about what would happen if our marriage ended...I was agreeing to all of it, trusting my husband. I did it for love. There is nothing shameful about that." The shared joyful parenting events became gut wrenchingly distressful as the longing to be connected had not abated and the close proximity was very uncomfortable. Many of us in long relationships take comfort in delegating responsibilities we'd rather not take. Burden spoke for me and probably a lot of partners when she stated, "I was spared, for a time, handling it all myself, having to understand it, having to face the reality of my financial life." There's also the shared epiphany, "I could see that the cost for feeling safe was being controlled. They were two sides of the same coin-protection and control." It's not accurate to say Burden was just airing her dirty laundry. I was moved by the loving picture she painted of their courtship, marriage and life together. This caused me ache for the love she had that was gone. Following Burden's rebuilding of her life, her strength from despair to self-reliance, her gratitude for her three children and for her future was a poignant journey I'm glad to have held. "I had to shift, again, in my understanding of the man I'd been married to. He was not a benign stranger wandering out of my life. He was an adversary." Belle Burden was no stranger to immense emotional distress but and no stranger to resilience, wonder and new found fulfillment.
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