Elliot Page tells us early on in his candid and forthright prose, "{I am} a trans person and a public one, the sensation is that I'm always pleading for people to believe me, which I imagine most trans people relate to." In reading Page's book, I wanted a first hand examination of being trans. Mainly, I hoped to empathize with the mindset and emotional toll intrinsic to identifying with being trans. Furthermore, I wanted to learn from Elliot how this impacted his psyche, his various relationships as well as his professional career. As a celebrity and accomplished TV/movie actor, I was curious about his personal history; childhood, adolescent years and celebrity connections. But more importantly, what he experienced by coming out as gay, then as trans. How he feels now, post surgery and living life as Elliot Page. Furthermore, I want to know how Elliot perceives how gays and trans people are regarded by most people. Elliot's parents divorced when he was six and growing up in rural Canada. Ellen (as he was identified then) was shuttled between his mom's home as an only child, to his dad's home. At his dad's home he idolized an older stepbrother and stepsister but was treated cruelly by his stepmom and made to feel unwanted. Elliots dad, whom he adored, made him feel loved except when other family members were present. Then Elliot was relegated second class and unworthy of protection. Elliot looks back on his younger self and attributes being brought up at his dad's for having "..paved the way for my future relationship dynamics. I would throw the feelings aside, worried I'd get in trouble for having them, remaining in situations a lot longer than I should have." This sentiment is echoed throughout with deep regrets for not haven spoken out, coming out earlier or confronting what was always incessant much early with the understanding of being male despite being born with female anatomy. I responded to PAGEBOY on a very personal front. I was awash with sympathy and sorrow for the miasma of self-doubt, suffering and depression that was oppressive in his life. A prevailing ache for Elliot in his 20s was, "'Why do I feel this way?' I'd plead. 'What is this feeling that never goes away? How can I be desperately uncomfortable all the time? How can I have this life and be in such pain'" Elliot writes in a non-sequential time order with flashbacks to present times. Regardless, the writing is powerful and lucid. But, I personally question the lascivious details of sexual liaisons and assaults revealed which are titillating and the star name dropping. Yet, I found this to be often very off-putting. PAGEBOY serves as a sound reasoning board and outcry for acceptance in today's society that tends to condemn rather than accept; to shun rather than take in. Despite what may seem my prudish objections, I strongly recommend PAGEBOY for everybody; particularly those struggling with their own gender dysphoria and those intending to support and understand those pursuing their true identities.
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