Julian Barnes' THE ONLY STORY - The Only Question Is - Is it Better to Have Love and Lost...

"The Only Story" is Julian Barnes' (b UK 1946) latest novel which is a about a May - December romance between 19 year old Paul & the 46 year old married mother of 2.  This isn't necessarily an awkward & unsatisfying cougar love story, although it is mostly just that, it's truly a facade for masking the grief for his beloved wife, Pat Kavanagh.  Julian & Pat were married from 1979 until her death in 2008.  Barnes is the recipient of many literary honors including the Man Booker for "Sense of an Ending."  His book "Levels of Life" ('13) was interesting & eloquent; part historic fiction and part memoir dealing specifically with mourning for his wife and his life without her.  The sense of loss and isolation in "Levels of Life" were profoundly moving.  "The Only Story" is the only work by Barnes  I did not deem exceptional.  Paul is 19 when the luck of the draw pairs him with Susan at the local country club in a tennis doubles match.  Somewhere between driving her home and a daunting backhand, they become a mismatched couple.  At first Paul thinks his affair as daring & sophisticated.  But, the ongoing saga morphs into a toxic co-dependency that saps 20 years of Paul's young social life.  Paul's love (if not blind devotion) enable Susan's alcoholism & depression.  The unsettling living arrangements allow Paul to live in Susan's home along with her husband and two daughters his age.  If only Paul were to leave Susan to find someone his own age and make something of his life.  Paul ponders his motives & love for her yet remains in this quagmire for decades.  I question his lackadaisical commitment knowing there are many seemingly incompatible  emotions that can thrive side by side in the same heart.  The only question of importance Paul asks when looking back on his life, "Would you rather love the more, and suffer the more; or love the less, and suffer the less?  That is, I think, finally the only real question."  This is not the only indication that Barnes is likely referring to the loss of his wife. "He grew older.  His life turned into an agreeable routine with enough human contact to sustain and divert, but not disturb him.  Soon no doubt the funeral years would begin.  Death is the only closure I believe in and the wound will stay open until that final shutting of the doors."  Whereas I felt empathy for Barnes sharing his grief in "Levels of Life" in "The Only Story" I felt annoyance at Paul for squandering his youth frivolously playing it down the middle.